Few More Days

Just few more days to end my twenty two. The world seems darker these days than the most other days. I find myself pondering life again to figure out to give the right meaning. So far in all these years I was pretty ordinary in all the aspects of life. My hair was too curly before and I tried straightening!! I look pretty awkward when I’m sad. And I was not interested in and I wont be even sure what kind of make over I should put on. I loved living everyday. But in the recent year I started to take life for granted. Ene oru vaalake da???

Sitting in front of the computer and a million thoughts in my mind I wish I bring back all the memories of my past. I have made good friends. I have people to care and I loved them too. I have improved in my way in writing. I learnt to be independent. I have had the best part of my life in the past years. Moments to be cherished forever in my life. And at the same time I have disgusting feelings deep down in my heart. Loneliness always had its part to play. I have learnt Jesus is the fulcrum of my life, how big the loss is. I have learnt to be happy in the midst of all the sadness. I started earning. I started to find reason for whatever is happening. I tried all the new things. I fell sick. Met my bro Runc after ages. I stopped dreaming and I am forced to accept things even if it’s not in my way. I feel I’m not belonged to people. I couldn’t love and I wonder if real love exists. I have improved in my singing. I have started to show interest in dressing me up. I have learnt to be confident in life. I have made friends who are far older than me. I have got the guts to talk to people who are more experienced. But apart from all these things, I have prepared myself to fly away for the betterment of my life!!!! It’s the sincere prayer request now.

I have had enough happiness so far but I wonder If I will have enough. I’m not really a selfish person and I never really have been. No matter what I do and who I meet, how deeply I fall in love, it’s not enough!! May be I have a problem to start with. It seems ridiculous to say what I’m even thinking.